This post will make sense to some of you (good for you if it does) and leave others scratching your heads (even better for you in that case):
So, my world was set spinning in a strange direction recently. Something very precious to me is now missing. Kind of a severe bitch slap to my reality. Ya know, the kind that makes you wonder who you are and what you are doing here....that sort of thing. I suppose it didn't help matters that I was a little out of sorts already on a "where am I going?" binge. Nothing like adding more questions to the pot. Honestly, I've probably been a wonky little freak at times.
Growing pains? Ack, I'm 26 years old and still trying to figure out how to be a grown-up. Does anyone ever figure it out? When? The stakes get so high for so many decisions. So much of what you do become permanent, or at least hard to undo without major effort. There are contracts and responsiblities with legal and financial ramifications. Affairs of the heart are more tangled than playgorund crushes ever were. Damn, it's so daunting! (whine*whine*whine)
Basically, I think I've been going about like a Weeble, and it shows. Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. (C'mon, who remembers?) A little bit this way, a little bit that way: talks too much, talks not at all; silly to the point of misbehaviour, serious stick-in-the-mud; responsible decision maker, wavering waffler.... Sure, it does keep you from falling flat on your face, but how ridiculous do you look? Part of growing up is knowing that sometimes you have to take a stand. It may get you knocked over, but you stopped wobbling.
Other parts of growing up: doing things that scare you, accepting change, and taking responsibility for your own actions. Still working on those, too.
So, if you see me being a wonky little freak, please be gentle. Take my hand and remind me that I am 26, not 6, and that I need to stand up tall like a big girl. Point out to me when I am misbehaving, but realize that I already know and am ashamed of it on my own.
Maybe I need to find a mentor.
Ok, enough non-sensical navel-gazing. Time for bed, young lady!
