So, last night I went to the wedding of one of my high school girlfriends. We were never extremely close, but where part of the same social circle. I lost touch with her (as with most of my high school chums) after graduation, even though she now lives in my city. I wasn't specifically invited, but was brought as a guest of another invitee, one of the few that I have kept in touch with these past eight or nine years.

All told, there were ten people there that I knew from high school, all of us former band geeks. It had been nearly a decade since I'd seen most of these people, and most of us have changed a bit, though none past recognition. What amazed me was how much my social awkwardness came out. I didn't think I'd be so shy, considering that these were all good friends of mine. We've pulled pranks together, studied together, gotten silly on Mt. Dew and Pixy Sticks together. Most of them stayed at my house up north for a week for my graduation party, aka "Bandstock '94". Should have been a breeze, right? Uh, sure.

I think part of it stemmed from that fact that it was partly my fault that I fell off the planet for so many years, as far as most of them were concerned. I was lousy at keeping in touch right after I headed to college.

I'm also kind of a clod when it comes to making small talk. When you have about a decade seperating you, most of the talk is small talk. "What have you been up to?" etc. Most of them had marriages and/or kids and/or home ownership and/or actual careers. I'm still kind of an adolscent. Granted, I'm not still living with my parents, but I'm going to be an apartment dweller for a long time into the foreseeable future, I'm as single as the day is long (and it's summertime people...long days) and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Not that these things make me feel particularly bitter or anything. I'm fairly happy with my life, as far as all that goes, but when you are still in a state of flux, it doesn't make for interesting gossip. Add to that the fact that it is extremely difficult to describe my job to people. ("Well, I mostly wander around in the dark all day.")

Finally, it seemed as though at least most of them are still good Wisconsin Synod Lutherans, whereas I spent spent yesterday morning handing out condoms and helium balloons for Planned Parenthood at the Farmer's Market. I found myself going into major edit mode as far as many areas of my life are concerned. The combination of all these factors left me in major dork mode.

Now, I'm not saying that it was't a fun night. I got a kick out of seeing everyone, and playing catch up was great when I wasn't the one having to talk. I got to see a crowd of people do the Electric Slide not once, but twice! And, let us not forget: wedding food. Mmmmm.

At the moment, I'm resisting the urge to get out my yearbook, put on some Nirvana, and swim in a sea of nostalgia. I think I'll go for a bike ride instead.